My honeymoon period lasted one month only.
The nuns decided it was time for me to settle into my new life.
Until then, I was the center of attention at the recreations and I loved every minute of it.
Now I miss that undivided attention.
Not only that, complaints started coming in.
It did not take much to know where they came from.
They were mostly from the younger group of local Chinese sisters.
The community was comprised of two groups,
the older group of nuns from the Spanish community in Spain and Sabah.
And the younger group of Chinese sisters from Malaysia.
The older nuns were more tolerant, not so the younger sisters.
I talked too much during the day, I was too loud.
I laughed too loudly.
I was too lively, too exuberant.
Exuberance became a personality flaw.
I did not take it well.
I began to feel unloved and rejected.
Their objections began to take shape, more in the form of grievances.
When they were in the Novitiate,
They did not like joining the community for recreation.
Every time they were addressed, they had to kneel and answer.
They could not speak unless spoken to.
And I did not have to kneel every time when I was spoken to.
Not only that, I could speak freely to the senior nuns.
They had to kneel and kiss the scapular or hem of the habits of the four mothers,
I had to kneel and kiss only the scapular or hem of the mother prioress and my Novice Mistress.
The rules changed with me, I was the first to enter after Vatican Second.
Then there was the chapter of faults.
Once a week, we had an hebdomadary sister who led the prayers, rang the bell, and also had the duty of advising the sisters on their faults.
I had a big problem with that, because entrenched in my mind
was the belief obedience was a virtue of the weak.
I had entered with my head filled with Harlequin romance books,
Where the heroine never obeys.
I could not be seen obeying, that would be too embarrassing.
That indeed left me in a quandary, entering a way of life where nuns take the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.
My first test came when the Sister Hebdomedary of the week intoned, "Full of confusion, because I am the one who commits the most faults, I advised Sister Mary Gertrude not to walk so heavily down the stairs."
I accepted it outwardly, hitting my breast with a "mea culpa" and bending, kissed the floor until bidden to rise by the mother prioress.
Inside however, I did the opposite, facing the sister, I was saying, "You just think I am going to obey."
And I did not, the next time I walked down the stairs, I stomped my way down the stairs.
It was not that I did not want to obey, life would be so much easier obeying.
I just could not be seen obeying.
I did not know how to share that problem with my Novice Mistress and clear that trend of thought.
Instead, I let it rule me and was soon labeled a bad disobedient nun.
Then came the other complaint, I loved my Novice Mistress, Mother Therese too much.
Our founder, St. Teresa of Avila wrote extensively against particular friendship.
It was much later I realized particular friendship was lesbian love.
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