It was here I engaged in my shadow work though at the time,
I saw it as pursuing truth wherever it leads me.
I applied it especially to facing truths about myself.
This I pursued with brutality and ruthlessness.
No area was too hard to tackle.
The moment I sniffed out an area. I pursued it.
The ones hard to deal with, I did it by keeping my eye on it,
Hence keeping my awareness on it, looking at it while I work on it.
That happened one day.
I was talking to a boater at the marina.
Walking away, I found myself conjuring all the negative elements I could about her,
Ready to move away from her when I caught myself in the act.
Engaging in it one time, it might be others, two times, it could be due to the other.
But when it is every time, the problem lies with me, not them.
That was when I realized there was something wrong with me.
When I saw every time I drew close to a person, I would dig out all the negative aspects in that person
And moved away.
It was disconcerting realizing I was the one with the problem.
This part of me was so entrenched, I was not able to heal it on the spot,
Hence I kept my eye on it.
The same happened with detecting the pleaser in me.
I walked away after a conversation with a boater.
When I saw, all the while I was talking to her,
It was as though I handed my soul over to her, placing it in her hands.
All that time, I did not have possession of myself.
Had she said B and it was A for me, I would have turned my A into a B.
It was another deeply entrenched flaw, one I spent years working on before I was able to free myself from it.
Meditation and pursuant of truth, that was my main path those years.
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