The desert with God

 It is in the nature of humankind to seek some form of gratification.

Something, big or small to fill the mind and heart.

Yet I find myself drawn to train myself to be in the desert.

An arid desert, of nothing, having nothing but God in my heart and soul.

Yet it is not easy.

I do like something, some little thing to fill my mind and heart.

For instance, the kind of gratification I received,

When after performing a live stream, I experienced the elation

of having made a good one.

I thought I was natural.

I had strived so much, so long to be natural.

It was only when I stopped doing it.

I found I had been performing,

Performing being natural, the dichotomy of things.

And found I actually missed the performing,

missed the audience, missed having an audience.

Though it was as easy to move from that feeling.

In my training to seek the desert of nothingness.

And so I look to the mystics.

I would not withdraw to the mountains of the Himalayas.

I withdraw into my inner world.

Of silence, of deep silence and of God.

Distracted by the outer worlds, it is hard to plumb the depths of this inner world.

And depths it has.

Our inner beings are like deep cisterns,

the deeper you go in, the deeper you can go in.

When one chamber opens, you find there are other chambers still,

even deeper than the one you were in.

I have access to such a cavern deep within me.

One day in acute dark night of soul,

I found myself thrown into the innermost recesses of my being.

I knew even as I experienced it, that it was something special.

A unique experience not easily attained to.

I did not think I would be able to access it at will.

But I am able to.

It is like accessing a big spacious room deep inside of me.

The room is spacious, empty but filled with the presence of God.

Now, the very word silence, draws me deep within this inner desert in my soul.

When there is less of everything, there is more of God.

When the soul is emptied of everything, then God fills it.

That is why saints, sages, and mystics sought a life of asceticism.

Of having less so to have more of God, to have all of God.