The road goes back to Jesus

After I experienced God in my early twenties.

It has always been the Godhead for me.

I had to force myself to create devotion to Jesus.

And that because Jesus is such a key figure in Christianity.

Recently, I found myself drawn into Indian Mystics.

It talks about the God in us.

Having experienced God in me,

that really resonated with me.

Then I learned Jesus went to India during those "lost years,"

where the gospel did not mention where he was or what he was about.

And with that a puzzle was solved for me.

I watched a movie of Jesus, and found myself listening to his teachings.

And wondered where he came came from.

His teachings were so incongrous with his surroundings.

He was going against everything in that environment.

His gentle wise teachings on love, forgiveness.

Knowing he went to India to learn from the masters of spirituality.

Coming into his own, being a spiritual teacher and master there,

it all make sense to me.

I found myself being drawn back to Jesus.

Not just Jesus in the Gospel.

But Jesus in his entirety.

And discovered new depths in his teachings.

The God in us, where he talked about the heavenly kingdom being in us.

Which is God in us.

Trust

Trust, trust, it is hard to trust in times of darkness.

But trust nonetheless.

Trust drives out fear.

Fear is most debilitating.

And a very potent tool.

Scammers know that well.

I was prey to  scammers two years ago.

They hit it off with instilling fear.

The fear paralyzed me, freezing my thinking process.

Taken over by fear, I found myself doing what they suggested.

Fortunately for me, my spirit team helped me,

And saved me from those scammers.

Why do certain channels engage in fear mongering?

Fear works, fear sells.

Engaged in fear mongering, they grow more exponentially than otherwise.

What do those in power employ? Fear.

We have everything to gain by trusting.

So trust, trust in God.

Trust in Divine Providence.

Trust in the Universe.

You will find the storm of fear in you quelling.

Your soul, rocked by fears, becomes stable.

You arrest thinking, over thinking feeds fear.

You look to God, to Jesus, to the Light and trust.

Trust, trust, the entire world can go amok.

Trust because the Universe is in God's hands.

The Universe has a way of righting things.

Remember, on planet earth, things go round in a circle.

The highs will get a low, the lows will get a high.

Things are always changing, evolving, always in motion.

For the universe is a living being.

Trust it, trust the motion.

Trust in the Universe.

Darkness and Light

Engaged in channeling, I do pray for protection.

Yesterday, someone close to me tried again to convince me,

that no one is able to channel higher beings.

That if we channel, it is only the darkness.

My response always is, by its fruit you know them.

Channeling taught me how to love.

How to forgive by sending love.

It taught me how to engage in energy healing.

It makes me a better person.

It brings me peace and happiness.

I tried to remove myself from that negativity.

But as she talked, I experienced fear.

She managed to trigger my old Catholic fear of darkness.

I talked to God, to Jesus, to my spirit team about the matter.

I asked how to discern if I was channeling not the light.

In the midst of that, I heard.

"You have God."

This was accompanied by an inner vision.

Of me being in God.

Being in God, nothing can touch me.

No darkness can touch me.

With that peace took over.

I was reminded of the words my spirit team told me,

That when they look at me, it is akin to looking at themselves.

That they see a being of light.

That I have attained to fourth density.

And darkness does not want to have anything to do with me.

I have nothing to give them.

They feed on lower vibrational beings.

I have always steered clear of darkness.

St. Teresa said, why say devil devil when you can say God, God, 

and make the devil flee.

I have long since noticed priests who engaged in casting out devils.

It gives them a feeling of importance.

The same goes for those spiritual teachers engaged in fear mongering.

I stay with the Light, with God, and let the Light, God take care of all darknesses.

The God in us.

Emmet Fox put it so  well.

Do roses create lilies? 

Like creates the same like.

We come from God, hence we are of God.

We have the same Divine nature.

God is the Cause, we are manifestation.

Is manifestation the cause? No.

Hence we are one with God, deriving from the same Divine Nature.

But we are manifestations of God, not the Cause which is God.

This God in me, it gives me strength.

It gives me awareness of who and what we are.

We are from God. We are of God.

Spirit experience

I wish I could learn from mystics how they experience spiritual energies.

My spirit team, help me go into them.

Recently, I found that as I go into deep trance states.

I could feel the energies converging till it is like a hard rock at temple.

The area between third eye and crown chakra.

It would become harder and harder till it feels like a hard rock there.

And it would bring me into deep trance states.

Right nowm what I am experiencing is my entire upper head being held in a vise like grip.

My upper head hollowed out until it felt like my upper head is wide open.

My crown chakra being wide open.

In this state, I sink into communing with the Divine.

My spirit team, what message do you have for us today?

We do not want to sound unsympathetic.

We do feel your pain, fears and sufferings.

At the same time, it might be of help for you all to view this life from your spirit self.

Your spirit self was when you took on this human existence.

It is with you as you go through your life on planet earth.

It will still be you when you cross over to the other side.

That is the reality of your true being.

When you view yourself, your life from this higher vantage point of view,

It makes things easier to bear.

It makes more sense of your existence on planet earth also.

You are here to experience and to learn lessons.

Whatever you are going through, there is lessons to learn.

Look at the unity of masses.

Combine sufferings bring you together as whole,

in love and solidarity.

When life is an easy flow, it is easy to grow complacent.

Taking everything you have for granted.

Engaging in squabbles of little importance.

When things like natural disasters happen.

That suffering bring you all together.

It breaks through boundaries.

Suddenly, you are no longer divided.

You are all united in one faction.

Looking out for each other,

Working towards the good of each other.

When you are one in that solidarity,

Thank God, thank the universe for that experience.

It is an experience, richer and deeper than anything.

For it goes deep into your spirit.

It penetrates deep into your spirit.

Experiencing that oneness which is your very nature,

as sons and daughters of God, of the Almighty,

Of the Supreme Being, the Infinite Creator.

The true face of truth

When I was a nun, one day I read about choosing one word from the bible as leitmotiv.

I chose the word truth.

I have followed the path of truth rather ruthlessly.

Following it wherever it leads me.

Today if I err, I would still be err-ing following what I perceived to be truths.

To pursue truths wherever it leads me, requires openness of mind.

As also courage to face the truths.

To admit when I am wrong.

To admit my path is wrong when I sense it to be wrong,

And get back to the correct path.

That is how I have always served God in my life.

And my God whom I have loved and served in all truth,

Truths, as I see them to be.

Will make sure I stay on the right path,'

That, I do trust and believe.

That God would always make sure I stay on the right path.

Faith and trust

 You know how you feel when you fear something.

And praying it will never come to pass.

And when it does, you go all silent inside.

And feel dead inside.

And from that death, arise trust and surrender.

This is beyond me, O Lord.

The world, the Universe is in your hands.

And we can only trust.

And find hope and peace in trust.

Keeping the faith and hope when the world in darkness lies.

Though there are lights.

So many lights of good souls.

Who shines their light and love for all the world.

Who combines their light and love.

Whose prayer unite in a whole, reaching up to heavens.

Those prayers, those high vibes of vibration, those positive energies,

will be felt and seen by the Universe.

And it will bring about a new earth.

Fear not, let your hearts not be sad or troubled.

For I am with you all days, till the end of the world.

So Jesus said.

The Law of One

 My spirit team, how do I share with my very Catholic family as to why I do believe in the ascension to fourth density?

You believe it, because you believe in the channeled messages of the book, the Law of One,

conducted by Don Elkins and channeled by Carla Rueckert.

It was not any kind of channeling.

Carla Rueckert went into complete trance channeling.

This helped you believe in the Law of One. 

though it was mainly due to the fact the teachings resonate with you.

And with that, you believe in the Ra Collective, the collective who shared the Law of One in the channeling sessions.

What is your main message for us?

Is that not obvious? The Law of One.

You viewed it as there being only one God.

It goes deeper and broader than that.

The Oneness which is the Infinite Creator, God as you called it.

And everything in you and around you, everything is that oneness.

First there was Infinity, the Original Intellect.

It became aware. 

And becoming aware, it wants to experience itself.

Hence it expands itself into this universe and universes you see or are not able to see.

Universes still undiscovered by your universe.

This Oneness, the Infinite Creator expands into all of us.

Hence we are all one with the Oneness, the Infinite Creator, whom you call God.

It is hard for your earthly mind to comprehend this Oneness.

But your science, metaphysics are arriving at that.

Quantum psychics are discovering the interconnectedness of all things.

Metaphysics are discovering that the universe came into being based on some basic formula or blueprint.

These blueprints are in everything around you, your DNA, the plants, sounds, vibration, everything you are able to see and those not visible to the eyes.

They all form the Oneness.

When you arrive at that Oneness, you will arrive at what mystics of all ages discovered long ago.

That you are all One, all connected, interconnected and there is no duality.

Duality is an illusion.

These mystics traversed the realms.

Going beyond this physical earth and nature.

Science, quantum physics arrive at it through that same ability to sense innate truths of things and matter,

translating them into scientific experiments.

It is too much to go into it now.

But as you get educated, we will be better able to get you to channel.

Messages more intricate which are beyond physical and human perception.

Wanderers.

 There are two paths you could choose to take.

Service to others or service to self.

You asked us why we, spiritual helpers are helping you all today 

on your path to fourth ascension.

We told you, to ascend to the seventh density,

we do it by being of service to others.

Hence being of service to you all.

As a result, any time any of you need our assistance and call to us.

We are there, really to help and assist you all.

You too, to reach fourth density,

it behooves you to be of service to others.

It does not have to be in big grandiose things.

Often, you are of assistance just by being in this planet.

They are those of you, wanderers who choose that path.

What are wanderers?

These are the beings who responded to calls to help the planet earth.

Those of you familiar with the works of Dorothy Cannon,

would be familiar with that concept.

A cry went out to us on the other side, the first one after world war one.

And beings from other planets and densities responded.

Choosing to re incarnate on planet earth.

One aspect of that is oblivion of your prior lifetimes.

As a result, many there are of you who are not even aware you are wanderers.

That is why we want to be of assistance.

To help with our messages.

For instance, we speak through this channeler.

Then we moved those who who need it to watch the videos.

And this create awareness and in turn awakening.

Awakening to why you are on planet earth and what your life purpose is on planet earth.

For now, we tell you only, if what you are doing, brings you passion and joy.

Then you are in the right place and engaging in what you came to planet earth to do.

Jesus in me

As I prayed to Jesus, I noticed something.

He is not outside of me, the way Yogananda or Babaji are.

He is inside of me.

Inside my heart.

Like he dwells there.

Like an indwelling of Jesus.

I observed that with a sense of wonder.

I never really noticed it before or thought of it before.

It was like an inner vision.

Jesus, if you were to talk to me today,

What would you say?

Late have I loved you, O Lord, late have I loved you.

It is a song I hear from the depths of your being.

One you were not aware you were singing it.

But you were.

From the time you experienced God, the Godhead,

It has been God for you.

Your devotion to me, you have to force it.

You complained, you, I have not experienced. 

God I have experienced.

Yet on recalling facts and events, you realized you have experienced me.

Yet still, I have to court you.

I have to go after you like the shepherd who left his flock,

to go after the one who wanders away.

Why am I going after you?

You have the ability to channel me.

To channel my words.

You are able to convey what I want to say today.

Yes, you are balking from it.

You are afraid of earthly beings, attacking you.

Fear not, you will have my strength and my protection.

The message I want to convey today is,

Your heavenly Father is not in heaven.

He does not reside in heaven.

He is in you, in you and in everything around you.

Soak in Him.

When you hear the birds sing, that is your heavenly father.

He is in the birds.

When you look at the flowers in the field,

Therein he is also.

When you sniffed in the cool air,

the breeze that fans your face, there he is also.

He is in everything and in everyone of you.

When you lift your heart in prayer, look up at him in the heavens.

And look also within your heart, in your depths.

In the inner depths of your being, there he is also.

For that reason, I taught,

The kingdom of heaven is within you.

Look not hither and thither. 

Look not yonder and outside of yourself.

But look within your heart.

Still your mind, your heart, and your soul.

And you will feel him in your soul.

You will feel him in your heart.

You will feel him around you,

pulsating with the beat within you.

When that happens,

you know you are one with him,

One with me, one with everyone and everything around you.

When you are one with nature,

you would love nature.

When you are one with everyone around you.

You would love them like I love you.

Like the way your heavenly Father loves them,

One and all. Each and all.

Healing

  How you heal is,

you harness your energy.

To harness your energy,

You first have to learn what energy is.

If you do not know what energy is.

How would you be able to harness your energy?

Energy is that concentrated force.

Hence it behooves you to go into meditation.

When you go into meditation.

You would be able to sense energy.

It is a concentrated force.

You use your mind to centre your attention on the energy.

You use your breathing to help you with this focusing of your energy.

Thereby harnessing it.

You then visualize it being gathered into a whole.

Like into a sword and you aim it at whatever you want to heal.

Be it your pet or certain parts of your body.

You keep your mind like a sword at it.

Keeping it there.

All the while visualizing it emitting a white healing light.

The healing light and power of the Infinite Being to heal.

All the while using your breathing to assist you with the healing.

Each breath in, you see the white healing light entering.

Each breath out, you see it working on you before leaving your body.

And so it goes on.

Using your breath, applying your breathing to assist with the healing.

All the while visualizing the energy of God. of the Infinite Being to heal.

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God First

There was a time I searched for psychic readers.

More than anything else was the great need I experienced to know who is around me.

One day, spirit asked me.

Why do you need to know who is around you?

Why do you seek so aimlessly for those able to tell you who they are?

Even if they are able to tell you what entities are around you, do you believe them?

The answer came as a surprise to me, no. I would not believe them.

And that freed me of that inordinate desire to know who is around me.

At any rate, so great was my desire to know the beings around me,

It lured me in like bait to fish, light to moth.

It blinded me to everything else.

Even more than God, I wanted to channel those entities.

The extraterrestrials I heard about and learned about.

Emmet Fox taught about God first.

I have always said it is God first for me.

God above all, God my main goal.

Everything comes secondary to me.

When it is not God First for me,

My inner truth guides me back.

For within me in that kernel. of truth.

That seed of life.

That spark, that Divine Spark which is God Himself.

When those who love me grieved silently, believing I was in a cult-like environment.

And knowing they could do little to open my eyes.

And they could do little for I was totally taken over by the light, the glitter, and the dazzle of channeling the ETs.

I told them, I have loved, served God my entire life.

If I am on the wrong path, he will lead me back to him.

And he has.

He resides  in me, accessible by silence, inner silence.

He is the reigning truth in me.

He is the pulsating being within me.

Without him I would not be.

Who is He but the I am.

The primordial being.

The being that is us.

That fills us.

However, he often lies dormant.

Until we awaken to him.

And then he sprang into being.

Once he sprang into being.

He is, and he always will be.

And we will never forget him.

In our waking moment, our living moment.

Day by day, minute to minute, second to second.

Channeling Jesus, be not afraid

Take heart, do not be afraid, for I am with you till the end of days.

I have told you, the kingdom is within you.

By that I mean, you have the Divine in you.

The seed of the Divine Spark in you.

Hence within you is the entire king dom or universe.

You might ask, how could an entire universe be contained

within so small a vessel, which is your human body.

And I say unto you, you are spirit.

Your spirit is bigger larger more immense then your human vessel.

Your human vessel contain the seed, the essence of divinity.

Spirit cannot be contained.

Spirit cannot die.

That is why I told you, they can hurt, harm, end your human vessel.

The real you, the spirit you no one is able to hurt, harm or end.

So stay in peace within this armored fortress of yours.

Know you are protected by your heavenly father.

Ills might come upon you, happen to you.

And these are by Divine designs to bring you home.

Like sheep back to the fold.

Or remind you, you are more than this flesh you are in.

When you are aware of this kingdom in you.

Then like my apostles, disciples, you will be fearless.

Imbued with the spirit of God.

The dream- past life regression

I dreamed I saw a thick book.

A paperback with a white cover.

And then I was a character in this book.

A young man fell amongst the briars,

getting stickers into his leg.

"Come into my space and I will remove them," young Edna told him.

She carefully removed all the stickers.

"She does not admit people easily into her space," her father commented.

"This means she is ready to go with him."

"Wash your feet before you go into the house," Edna's mother told her.

She washed one foot but accidentally upset the bucket of water,

and had to go into the house to wash her other foot.

She was young and full of spirit, independent and headstrong.

Third scene, her family gathered as the dusk fell.

They sat together, and felt the void of Edna's absence.

A heavy sadness hung over the household.

"Why did she leave?" I wanted to know.

"Let me look back to the pages of the book to find out.

And I woke up.

It felt like a past life regression in a dream.

Set in the sixteenth century.

She wore a long garment, reaching to her ankles.

The house, a simple wooden structure, was built on the waters.

It was isolated, with no other buildings around it.

Remote and isolated.

The God in me.

Recently, at four in the morning,

I find myself rapt into that space.

I called the planet of light.

I accessed this space months ago.

Spirit told me at four in the morning,

I will almost always be able to access this space.

And that when I am in this space,

my prayers are very effective.

I was in it this morning,

when my Self asked me,

Why are you so intent on pursuing your other path?

The path you walked for around three years,

going into New Age, channeling and the like.

What is it about being channeler that so draws you?

The fact almost everyone is channeling these days and it is cool?

You are never known to follow the crowd.

You are not going to do it here also.

You have God, the Universe.

What more do you want?

What more could you ask for?

You learned how channel during that time.

That is a valuable exercise.

You would not have trained yourself to channel 

were you not drawn to it by the desire to channel those entities.

Now that you have learned the art of channeling.

You are able to use it to go deeper into the mysteries of God, the Universe.

Into mysticism, which is what you are drawn to.

What is channeling?

But communing with the God in you,

And beings that are able to help you.

Beings like Jesus, angels, archangels, and higher density beings.

With this ability of channeling,

you are better able to explore God, the Universe.

Past Life regression in a dream?

 If I have lived before.

I would be this woman with a name like Harriet.

Old fashion, wearing clothes of the sixteenth century.

She lived with her parents and siblings.

As close to her father as to her mother.

A free spirit, she did things pretty much as she pleased.

She left her family to seek her own life.

And left a sad void behind.

An empty space in the house and hearts of those she left behind.

The above came to me in a vivid dream.

It was akin to reading a book or watching scenes from the book.

A black and white setting. 

House, field, house situated on water.

Peaceful, solitary.

Hardly any other houses or inhabitants around.

Channeling my higher self

 I was working to channel an entity I have channeled before.

After a while, my higher self came in.

It suggested I channel them.

And channel others through them.

Which makes sense.

In the past, I trained myself to recognize different energies of different entities.

The archangels, Emmanuel, my spirit guides or my higher self.

Doing it this way, I channel them through my higher self.

Which was how I had channeled the others.

My higher self, what message do you have for me or us today?

When things become too much or too hard.

Seek the sanctuary within you.

You all have that, deep sanctuaries within you.

How you access it is though silence.

Silence your mind, silence your body.

with means of breathing.

Concentrating on your breaths will help quiet your mind and calm your body.

Lulling it easily into a quiet silent state of being.

Once you have achieved that.

Enter deep within yourself.

And you will find yourself in that inner sanctuary.

Which is your divine heart or divine spark.

Then you would find your real self, us.

And stay in communion with the eternal being, God, energy, consciousness

or by whatever name you call it.

Higher Self

 We are your higher self.

What are your higher self.

Many are there amongst you,

who believe you come into being when you were born on planet earth.

No, you were before you were born.

You will be after you passed on from this earth.

You are spirit. 

You exist before you come on planet earth.

You take on a human body, like you would put on a suit on planet earth.

And you take on that identity.

For many of you, those of you who have awakened to your real self.

This personality self is all you are aware of.

When you awaken, then you become aware you are spirit.

That there is more to you than this personality self.

If anything, this personality self becomes too shallow for you, to confining.

You realize you are born of spirit, born of spirit. 

That you are spirit.

And that is where we come in.

We are your higher self.

You are aware of us when you tap into us.

This channeler know us by our energy.

A strong gripping force at the upper part of her head.

Some of you might know your higher self in gentler fashion.

By having privy to seeing your higher self as a white light 

Or feel your higher self as a soft energy.

As in a whiff of air or breeze.

Whichever way you feel us, it matters not.

What matters is that we are with you.

We are your higher being, existing as your real self, your spirit self.

We have lived eons of your years.

As a result, we are wise and full of knowledge.

Hence it is very conducive to channel your higher self.

For wisdom, for help living your life on planet earth.

Accomplishing what you come down here to achieve.

Be it your life purposes or learning lessons you need to learn.

Trust, trust in God, in the Universe

 Jesus, I asked you how to trust.

I hear that word so often but how to trust?

I think of trusting and found there is doubt in my heart.

Then I felt it, trust is when everything goes in silence.

Where there is no questioning.

Where there is that feeling of big solid block inside.

Unmoving, steep in place.

That is trust.

I feel such gratitude, O Jesus for this trust.

Could you tell us something about trust?

When things happen.

And everything seems to have gone amok.

When nature rages, fire burns, earth splits open, storm rages.

What is it telling you?

Was it ever thus?

Was it ever this bad?

There had been sporadic earth changes.

But never like this.

Not to this magnitude.

What is earth telling you?

That it is purging.

These things that happening,

Have of neccessity to happen.

It is a purging process.

See it like a beast throwing off restrains.

Shaking off everything that keeps it in bondage, fettering it.

With a might roar, it shakes and shakes till it is completely free.

The earth is doing that with all the natural disasters.

What of man make disasters?

It is the same.

See it as a pot boiling.

It boils and boils, sending over everything that is no longer conducive.

As these boils and spills over.

And what remain is the clean clear pot of soup.

How is your own purgation?

It follows similar process.

What is no longer conducive, good or helpful.

Has to be brought to the fore, confronted, worked on and cleared.

By that means you reach pureness of beings.

Hence when you see all these happening.

Take heart and tell yourself.

Everything that is happening, has of necessity to happen.

But the end is not here yet.

Trust, trust in the Heavenly Father.

The Universe, the earth, the word is in His hands.

Abraham Maslow's applied to Mari

Recently, I was looking at Ginger and Mari.

When it dawned on me, three years later.

They are different beings.

Into my mind came the hierarchical needs of Abraham Maslow.

They were around one year old when I adopted them.

A woman found them foraging for food at a dumpsite.

They were thin, dirty and malnourished.

She brought them home, kept them for a month.

And brought them to a rescue shelter.

I was looking for two dogs and came across them online.

Every time I bring them on a route not familiar.

Mari started crying in distress, fine when we headed home.

It came to me, every time they were in a long car ride.

They get left behind which she experienced as abandonment.

The first year, their mindset was still on survival.

Ginger preferred to chase lizards all day outside.

She was the boss, protective of Mari.

Both dogs are still the same, protective of each other.

In the house they are different.

Each needing their own space, each in a different room.

Once outside, they are a close unit.

A year later, Mari came into her own and took over.

She became the little boss.

She decides how long the walk, how far the walk.

She can only walk so far, while Ginger is able to walk miles.

Now, more than two years later, Ginger loves to stay indoors.

Mari demonstrates more and more, her colorful personality.

She knows how to ask by shaking her body in a dance then whining.

Asked, she would lead me to what she wanted.

Ginger eyes her, whatever she does, Ginger wants to do.

Yesterday, it came to me.

They have become like little humans, they think, they feel.

Their needs for survival, basic needs for food seen to.

They know they are loved and feel secure in a home.

They have a roof over their head, warm or cool.

They do not have to worry about fending for themselves.

With that, the other needs come in, 

Esteem and self actualization.

They are turning into little humans.

They are expressing their needs, not for food.

Food is not a big thing on their scale.

But for loving, they never have enough of back rubs.

They look at me with eyes expressing their needs.

It is sometimes spooky, Ginger looking straight at me, fixedly,

With those big knowing eyes, like a little mature adult.

Mari is still the baby of the house and acts like one.

Self-actualization

The Collective said, when we give second density beings,

dogs and animals, love and care.

It helps them develop self awareness and personality,

With that, they will reincarnate into third density beings.

I have no doubt, Ginger and Mari will reincarnate into the third density.

In my dreams, my dogs are always three year old little girls.

Lou Gehrig's disease

I knew something was wrong.

When my late husband, youthful for his age.

Aged visibly before my eyes.

I brought him to the doctors.

None was really able to help.

Until a doctor diagnosed him with Lou Gehrig’s disease.

That awful disease?

No, it is not possible and I dismissed it.

I did not know anything about it at the time.

I just knew it to be a horrible disease.

One early morning at five,

The letters ALS came to my mind.

I decided to google it.

I came across the most stark article anyone could find.

I read it and stayed shell shocked.

Horror filled me.

I could not believe what I had just read.

I believe that was when that disease left me traumatized.

Years later, I was volunteering at a hospice center,

When they brought in a patient with ALS.

I thought I could help him.

I sat with him and unbidden, grief overcame me.

I went out and cried it out.

My husband passed on soon after diagnosis.

He had always said he was not afraid of death.
He had died before in a scuba diving accident.

He was out for eight minutes and went into a very nice peaceful place.

He did not want to come back.

But the scuba diving master brought him back to earth.

He comes in my dream.

Alerting me of dangers in clear vivid dreams.
I know he still looks out for me on the other side.

God's presence

 Oh God, you are always with us.

Why then are these periods of darkness and light.

Periods of consolation and dryness.

Periods of illunmation and desolation.

 Oh God, you are always with us.

Why then are these periods of darkness and light?

Periods of consolation and dryness.

Periods of illumination and desolation.

I have been in a period of dryness.

For some weeks now.

Till I forget how it feels like to be rapt off in You.

Taken over by you.

Now that I feel you again.

I am filled with such feelings of gratitude.

That my soul wants to break out in songs.

Suddenly I am flooded again with light.

With illumination.

My soul able to sing again, Oh Lord my God, 

How great Thou art, how great Thou art.

Union with God

Just now, I felt my soul entering into a state of inner silence.

Occupied by something within me.

I love states like these.

It is being in a state of unionn with God.

One with God.

It is deep, so peaceful and so beautiful.

Where I feel so much is happening within me.

Yet nothing is. Nothing tangible or perceptible, that is.

But something deep, undefined and so beautiful.

Where I found myself in a state of thinking yet not thinking.

Of being in deep reflection yet not dwelling on anything.

Where I just am, with this energy I know to be God.

Times like this, I sink into God.

Into that nothingness.

Engaged with that nothingness.

Thinking yet not thinking.

Reflecting yet not reflecting.

Just in this state of being.

My dog Mari

Tell me, my spirit team, what is she?

Recently, she took to decided where we go for our walk and how long we would take.

If I try to lead the way, she stops, dig her heels in and pull back, refusing to move.

Moving only when I tell her to lead the way.

And she knows where she wants to go.

She leads me to roads I never brought them there before.

It seems as though she has the map of our neighborhood in her mind.

It left me in awe and wonder

Jesus on my Path

With the entry of Pope Leo XIV,

I found my Catholic roots stirred.

And with it, the person Jesus.

A few months prior, 

Youtube fed me videos with headers,

From the New Age to Jesus.

In almost all of them, there was the renunciation of everything in the New Age.

Sticking to Jesus and Jesus alone.

I decided, no, that was not for me.

I value and appreciate the many and varied paths I walk.

Taking from Taoism, Buddhism, New Age and Indian mysticism.

When I found myself dwelling on Jesus.

I found myself doing the same,

Concentrating on Jesus and moving into Jesus alone,

When I felt Jesus telling me. 

You do not have to move from those others.

Nothing has changed.

You are still on the same path.

It came to me how true his words are.

Nothing has changed.

I am still on the same path but with him, Jesus.

His presence in my spiritual life means a further development, further evolvement in my spiritual life.

He gives me extra joy and peace.

That deep feeling of joy and peace.

He is right, it is not the Jesus of Christians alone I adhere to.

But also the Jesus of the lost years of Jesus.

When he went to India, Nepal and Tibet and learned from spiritual masters there.

Become one himself, returning to his homeland to preach the good news of God.

And died on the cross.

Memories of childhood: The move and cooking with firewood

Circumstances caused my family to move to another town, Sibu.

Father, my two brothers, my sister Sa and I stayed behind.

Every Saturday, we took the slow putt putting launch boat to Sibu.

It took four hours to get there, if not longer.

The following day, we had to take the motor launch back again to Kanowit,

to start the school week.

One day, my sister Sa could not stand the pain of separation any longer.

“Let's go back home,” she told me.

I was strong enough to head back to Kanowit but followed her lead.

Ma scolded us and the following day, we boarded the boat again.

At recess, I no longer had the heart to join the other kids at play.

I thought of my younger brothers and sisters and missed them. 

Before school start, I would buy some vegetables at the market,

And left it at a shop, collecting them on my way home.

One day, the shopkeeper asked me, "Little sister, do you not buy vegetables other than these?"

I told him, no, I like these two types only, both were green leafy vegetables.

Lunch break meant going back to the dark empty house.

I found it too depressing and took to loitering around the shops,

Until it was time to head back to the school for afternoon classes.

My brothers did the cooking.

However, in no time at all,

They taught my sister and I how to cook.

It was quite a feat since it meant cooking over firewood.

It meant learning how to light the fire under the wok,

and keep it going while we cook.

We did learn how to do it and took over the cooking.

I was eleven and Sa was twelve.

The vision of Jesus with me

Help me, Jesus, to go into it.

I saw Jesus with me.

It was Jesus with me, back to back.

Two units united in one.

Yet distinctly apart.

Like two pieces of a sandwich bread.

I was joined with him but not merged into him.

I found myself dwelling on the image,

Asking what it tells me.

It tells me, Jesus does not want me to lose myself in him

In the manner of worshipping him mindlessly.

Where it is Jesus in everything, canceling out all other beliefs and valid experiences.

Of my own or those of others expecially those of mystics, sages and saints.

He went to them himself during those eighteen lost years of Jesus.

How do I adhere to Jesus?

The way Indian Mystics do, with that love, and reverence.

The same we give to Saints, sages.

Yet never mindless worship.

Jesus, what would you tell me on this?

You in me, I in you and we in the Father.

That is the Oneness.

You perceived it right.

I gave you that vision.

And I showed you distinctly what it is about.

You and me, one in the Infinite Creator.

At the same time totally and distinctly apart.

Why the message on that, distinctly apart.

You are you and I am me.

Over the other side, you will find,

though collectives move as one,

They are distinctly each and one.

How was God at the beginning?

One.

He wanted to experience himself and expanded himself into creation.

By that move, we came into being.

Each one, distinct and separate yet united in a whole.

Stemming from the whole, wholeness of the Infinity Creator.

Your mind knows the truth.

Again, you stall from revealing the truth.

Because you had done it in other lifetimes,

Got persecuted as a result of it and put to death.

Hence, you are wary of voicing this truth out,

That could being you presecution.

As I have told you, 

so did they to my apostles and disciples.

So will they do to you.

But do not fear.

You surely have learn by now,

They can destroy your physical self but never your spirit self.

It tells me I am god by participation.

That we are all created equal.

No one should we worship in adoration but God.

The Pope, what is he?

A human being like me.

The richest man on the earth?

What is he?

A being like me.

Look to yourself,

Look at yourself.

Recognize your worth, your value.

You are created from God, you come from God.

What does that give you?

The attributes of God.

Recognize that and you will be big and powerful like God.

Not in the worthly sense but the spiritual sense.

You would be able to vanquish all fears and enemies.

You would be ale to step out, bold and daring in spirit.

Not hiding.

Not hiding like you are doing from those who would persecute you.

You are stronger than them, cloak in the armor of God.

Pull your sword of faith and belief in God out.

The sword of who you really are.

A being from God, a being of God.

Religion teaches you the opposite.

With teachings on fear. of pride, exhorting you all to be humble.

What is humble?

Explore the true meaning of humble.

For a proud heart I do spurn.

Humility is truth.

It is recognizing who we really are.

Humility sets in truth.

Hence when we have huminity, we are in truth.

Humility does not negate who we really are.

That would be false sense of humility.

Humility is recognizing our real self.

Our eternal self and operating from that.

Our eternal self is divine.