God and yearnings

Yesterday, I sensed it again,  that strong need for God.

It has been a while since I experienced that need.

A need of, "give me God or I die."

It was literally that.

By mid morning, the feeling grew, I went to meditate.

Satiating my soul with God.

An hour later, and I still felt it and more.

The need was so acute, I was in a state.

I felt almost physically sick.

I went back to meditation.

Sinking deep into God and the feeling eased.

Again, it came to me, it is lonely being a present day mystic.

Who can I go with such experiences?

Am I going crazy?

Is this some  kind of neurological disorder?

The only assurance I have that it is not, is the fact.

It is an affliction for God.

Once I allow satiety, the intensity of feeling ease.

Is this what St. John of the Cross wrote about?

Wounding me, you fled. 

I went after you and you were nowhere to be found.

Ignore the physical symptoms, I told myself.

St. John of the Cross called it an onslaught on the physical senses.

Overtime, the body will acclimatize to this influx of God into the soul.

And the physical side effects will be less.

I do not mind it as long as I know it is due to that.

But when the energy is so strong, it causes me to feel on edge.

My entire being under the onslaught of this energy.

It is starting again.

I better move into meditation. 

It is the only way to ease this feeling of being taken over by this energy.

I know this Force I know from God.

Because all I want to do is sink my soul deep into God and be lost in him.