That inner voice

That inner voice.

At no time was I more aware of it,

Than after I left the monastery at age twenty eight.

Thrust back into a world I left over eleven years ago.

I was clueless and naive about many things.

Buffeted by feelings of guilt and conflict,

Leaving a way of life I chose to live for eleven and half years,

It would not let go its grip of me.

The first time I heard that voice was when I was approaching a breakdown.

With no visible road ahead, buffeted by conflicts.

One day I saw myself being almost pulled inexorably toward a dark pit.

I knew if I fall in, it would be very hard to get out of it.

And then spirit spoke to my mind.

Call the family of Sister Philo and ask to spent the weekend there.

By this time, my distress was such,

I was writhing on the floor, in agony.

I prayed to St. Therese of Lisieux.

You have gone through this, please help me.

With that, I drag myself up and made it to the phone.

The mother of Sister Philo received the call and agreed to have me visit them.

I packed a bag and took a bus there.

I had little recollection of that.

But forever will I remember my weekend there.

The love and warmth of a family was the healing I needed.

All it took was that weekend to turn me around.

It was as though just as I was reaching the precipice,

spirit pulled me back from it.

After that, I always have this inner voice,

Telling me things, teaching me things.

Warning me about people, situations.

We all have that inner voice in us.

All we have to do to hear it is to silent 

the noise of our life and mind to hear it.

For me, the best method meditation.

Or simply focus on breathing to connect with our deeper higher self.

With the God in us.