Suffering, lesson of a soul

 I was expecting some kind of dark night of the soul.

Something of the spirit.

But it was of the body.

I was expecting it in the near future.

Not the day after I shared my dream on expecting some dark night of the soul,

to eradicate some deep seated pride.

I started feeling sick late Friday afternoon.

And became very sick with indigestion.

I thought it was food poisoning.

My heart started palpitating, adding to the discomfort.

I lay in bed for six hours, praying and engaging in healing breathing.

It eased after I calmed my body down somewhat but I was still feeling sick and nauseous.

And then I ejected out the cause of my suffering,  contents of the  indigestion.

And instantly felt better.

The fact I was able to eject out the indigestion was a miracle in itself.

It is an act I am seldom able to do.

Ejecting the cause of suffering, that is a good term.



I rested the following day,

my gastric, traumatized, did not want any food.

I forced myself to eat two eggs and a pear.



I woke up today, with my spirit nicely subdued and quiet.

The deep spiritual pride my dream told me about,

worked on by physical illness.

Why would it have an effect, I do not know.

I imagine a mental struggle with darkness and the like,

that saints endured.

And it was a sick gastric.



I am feeling centered and humbled.

My entire being brought back to reality.

My thoughts are never clearer, my insides never more clear.

And from that depth, my impish side emerged.

The playful side of my spirit of joy.

I started laughing again.



I believe sicknesses have a way of grounding us.

I did accept the sickness and move with it.



God, I like to ask, why sufferings?

I do not like sufferings.

Why then are sufferings such effective tools.

In keeping me on my path to you?



If God were to talk to me, what would he say?

Think about the enormity of it.

It is on planet earth only that you are able to suffer this way.

That is why many souls elect to come on planet earth.



Does suffering not make you feel more alive,

Once it is over?

You look back on dark periods of your life.

And it is never as bad as when you were in it.



It does bring you to the core of your being.

Reminding you, you are human.

It does have the effect of reminding you,

You are more than this body.

You are more than this planet earth.

You are spirit, taking on a human body.

You are not the totality of this human body.

In suffering, your soul is brought back to that reality.



And back to the spirit world you will return.

You will return to me and be one with me again.

All these sojourns will leave an indelible mark in you.

How you live your life on planet earth,

What you become.

What you choose to be.

Will all be recorded for all eternity.

It marks you as you are.

Distinctly you.

Merged back with me, you would still be you.

Distinctly you.