Question of existence

 Life was not that hard for me. 

I had an interesting childhood.

The hardest spell was at the monastery.

And that is a distant memory.

However, around the early 2000's.

I began to be plagued by one question.

Why do I exist?

Why is there an "I" in the world?

It would have been so much better,

were there not an "I" in the world.

I was not suicidal.

But I did not want to exist.

Life was dreary.

I still remember where I was when it hit me strongly.

I was working at the yard of our rental house in Port Aransas,

Same time as that thought struck me, another came to me.

"I" am "I" to myself and I love myself.

Everyone else is "I" to themselves and they love themselves too.

The precept, love your neighbor as yourself made sense to me. 

That day, I did not arrive at an answer to that.

Nor later, not for some years.

From Ra Collective and the Law of One,

I learned the Infinite Creator created us to have experiences.

Why have it at my expense? I raved at God.

I am the one enduring this, not you.

When it came to me, if I come from God.

Part of God, then I am raving at myself.

But knowing I come from other planets.

From a universe so far away, it has yet to be discovered.

That this life I have on earth is actually a short one.

It will be over soon and I will be back from where I came from.

All that helped me accept this existence.

However, anything in existence still intrigues me.

Watching videos about Leo Tolstoy,

who had questioned his existence is fascinating to me.

Why do we feel that way?

Ra Collective, could you tell me?

It is because you were not in your true essence.

With the veil of forgetfulness.

You do not remember where you come from,

Or why you are here.

You live for what is real to your physical self.

Which you now know is an illusion,

Nothing is real, much like a movie.

Alright, you do not know it empirically 

You know as a belief system pushed to you.

However, they do hold sway,

they make sense to you.

Because you are spirit, with a spiritual self.

When that is not satisfied.

You experience a hunger, a lack,

the same way you would were your physical body be hungry.

This feeling of something missing in your life,

was what caused you some sort of depression.

You always have God which helps.

There are mysteries not given to humankind to understand.

That is why it serves to live in faith.

Knowing one day, when you cross over,

everything will become clear to you.