Depths

One day, it was as though a lid open,

And I was able to see depths of my soul I have never seen before.

Intrigued, I hastened to take a deeper look and the lid closed.

I had not seen it since though it never ceased to intrigued me.

I was told, that was the innermost of shadow self.

There are things there I have not worked on.

They are too devastating for me to work on or deal with.

When I am ready and able to deal with it, it will open out to me.

So far, it has not opened out to me.

I know I suffered some kind of childhood trauma,

which account for the way I am.

Building walls and mistrusting most people.

I blot the trauma so well from my mind, I have no access to it.

I do want to see, to trace the roots of it which is how I work on healing.

Getting to the roots of things and clearing it that way.

But this bit of memory remained closed to me.