For a few months. I enjoyed the prayer of simplicity or acquired contemplation.
It was very nice, and peaceful.
Saint John of the Cross wrote about God bringing the soul into the wilderness,
and there he talked to the soul.
He felt that way, a time of sweet gentle communication with God.
A few months of that and dryness set in.
I thought I lost it due to infidelity at prayer and was much distress by it.
I did not realize in spiritual life, we went from consolation to desolation.
Desolation to periods of consolation.
Hence when I felt an inner pull to go into myself, I resisted it.
I told God, God I am sorry but I am no longer able to go within myself.
A few days of it and I was simply pulled inside.
It was as dramatic as that.
One moment I was resisting it and the next I was pulled inside myself.
For four days I walked around in a stupor, taken over by this strong Force I know to be God.
This time, I did not want to lose this grace at prayer due to any carelessness.
And walked about, carefully nurtuing this possession of me
like a pregnant woman nurturing something of immense value inside.
I lived, divorced from everything around me and did not talk.
I was afraid talking would distract me and take me away from that inner possession of me by this Force.
I did not want to leave it ever but after four days, the feeling of intensity eased.
I slowly came out of it though not totally.
After that experience, it was very hard to apply my mind actively to anything.
It took tremendous effort just to engage in works around the community.
And the prayer of quiet happened, or infused contemplation.
At meditation, I would close my eyes and found myself engaged by this same energy.
I could stay in that darkness, that seemingly empty dark space for hours,
my attention held in thrall by this energy, I called the dark presence.
The dark presence in the apparently empty void.
The Something in that apparently empty void.
And that was how I first experienced God and know God to be a Force, energy.
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