On entering, I became the youngest and a nobody. Until I became a full fledged nun, I had no voice and no standing in the monastery.
I lived by the Harlequin romance books so much, I had built myself into being somebody prior to entering the monastery.
In Class, I was the spokesperson.
For instance, when the school principal wanted more trial exams than was helpful, I was the one who protested and had it cancelled.
Once I entered, being the youngest, I became a nobody.
It was a situation humiliating for me. Something that is the norm, I found humiliating.
Without realizing, I made an inward vow, “Just wait till I am solemnly professed.”
With the solemn profession, I was freed. The fetters fell off and I came into my own.
It was a metamorphosis of being.
In a healthy environment, that change would have been much lauded.
But in a monastery like the one I was in, it was unnerving for the community.
“Where did he come from?” they had said of Jesus, “He spoke like one with authority.”
In my case, it was, “where did this vibrant self confidence spring from? She acts like one full of life, exuberance and power.”
I had gone from a quiet biddable nun to this one of power and force.
And the younger nuns felt cheated. They felt I put on the cover of a good nun to attain to the solemn profession and once I attained it, I revealed my true colors.
It was not that way but that was how they perceived it. They felt betrayed, if not a bit bitter about it.
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