Existence

When I came upon the teachings of the book, The Ra Material, the Law of One.

And learned how we came into being.

I got very affronted with God.

According to the Ra Material, the Infinite Creator was a single cell.

It became aware, and becoming aware, it wanted to experience Itself.

Hence it created us, experiencing through us.

I thought, that is such an awful trick to play on us.

Look at this earth. 

Life even at its best is not easy.

The suffering, pain, war, famine.

It has to be a cruel joke.

When it came to me.

Who am I complaining to?

To God? It is akin to complaining to myself.

I accepted then this life on planet earth almost grudgingly.

I was told, I am a wanderer.

I came on planet earth not due to karma 

but because I wanted to help the earth on its ascension to fourth density.

And had second thoughts once I was born into this earth.

I cried and cried and my mother did not know what to do with me.

I was never suicidal but when I was in my early forties, 

I often wondered why I exist.

And wish I never existed.

Then the longings for a land I know not where.

The feeling of homesickness for a home I know is not my physical home.

But someplace beyond.

I thought it was for the heaven I experienced in meditation.

And understood why saints longed for death.

When I learned about being a wanderer, 

It help me understand and accept existence on planet earth.