Jesus, one with Him

As I was channeling the last video of Jesus, Saint Issa,

I felt Jesus very close to me.

And then I felt very moved inside.

That feeling is usually affirmation that the entity is with me.

After I had it posted, I was thanking Jesus for the video

When I looked inside of me and saw Jesus with me.

As he said it, he in me and I in him and we are one with the Father.

It was literally that,  I saw Jesus and I as one.

Like two pieces of sandwich bread. joined together.

Yet distinctly separate.

I had channeled extra terrestrials, Archangels, Emmanuel.

They were always outside of me, even as I felt their energy within me.

There was one time only when I felt Paramahansa Yogananda superimposed on me.

It was like he was in me.

And when I smiled, it was his smile.

This experience of being one with Jesus is so dear to me.

I wanted to capture that vision when it is still fresh in my mind.

Channeling: Jesus, Saint Isa.

 Jesus, what message do you have for me today?

Now you understand your affinity with the Indian Mystics.

I went there myself during the eighteen missing years.

There, I learned under various spiritual teachers.

I did not stop at one place of learning only,

I went to several and varied places to learn about spirituality.

One day, you were watching a movie of me,

When you were struck by how incongruous my teachings were, set in that era.

You understood where I came from, when you learned I went to India,

by the merchants' route to learn more from the Eastern masters.

For they are possessed of spiritual knowledge earlier than most ancient civilizations.

I knew I would learn much from there.

You are struggling today, with the Jesus taught you from your childhood.

And this Jesus or Saint Isa from the forgotten years of Jesus.

Blend them together.

You erroneously believe if you adhere to the Jesus of Christians,

You would have to renounce the Jesus in India, Nepal and Kashmir regions.

You do not have to.

I am one and the same.

If anything, it should make your beliefs stronger.

Your adherence to me, stronger.

Right now, at this moment, you are experiencing my love for you.

I have always been with you.

Tell yourself, "I have come home, I have come home to Jesus."

And seek no further.

At this stage of your spiritual life, you have no need to seek further.

No need to go hither and thither, seeking and searching.

You have arrived, you only need to go deep within you.

And all mysteries and secrets will be revealed to you.

In due time, all in due time.

As always, you are in too much haste.

Take your time, just go deeper, deeper within yourself.

And remember, I am with you always.

You know the veracity of the words.

From the emotion you are experiencing now.

The emotion affirm the veracity of this experience for you,

channeling me in automatic writing.

Keep it up, there will be more.

There will always be more.

My words will flow from you, from your mind, from your heart, from your soul.

The God in me

Coming from a Catholic background,

It is very hard for me to say we are gods.

We are gods because we come from God.

And God created us not outside of himself.

Like sculptors their pieces, but by expanding himself.

Still, it felt so blasphemous.

I was thinking about it just now when Jesus' words came to me.

"My father and I are one."

He called God his heavenly father.

And God is our heavenly father.

Understanding it in the metaphor of the ocean by Yogananda.

God is the ocean, we are all one with this Ocean that is God.

Taken out as a drop, we are still from the One, the one God.

The words, "we are sons and daughters of God," came to me.

Ah, I can accept it under this light, sons and daughters of God.

Under this context, I am able to accept and voice it,

The way I am doing it here.

The desert with God

 It is in the nature of humankind to seek some form of gratification.

Something, big or small to fill the mind and heart.

Yet I find myself drawn to train myself to be in the desert.

An arid desert, of nothing, having nothing but God in my heart and soul.

Yet it is not easy.

I do like something, some little thing to fill my mind and heart.

For instance, the kind of gratification I received,

When after performing a live stream, I experienced the elation

of having made a good one.

I thought I was natural.

I had strived so much, so long to be natural.

It was only when I stopped doing it.

I found I had been performing,

Performing being natural, the dichotomy of things.

And found I actually missed the performing,

missed the audience, missed having an audience.

Though it was as easy to move from that feeling.

In my training to seek the desert of nothingness.

And so I look to the mystics.

I would not withdraw to the mountains of the Himalayas.

I withdraw into my inner world.

Of silence, of deep silence and of God.

Distracted by the outer worlds, it is hard to plumb the depths of this inner world.

And depths it has.

Our inner beings are like deep cisterns,

the deeper you go in, the deeper you can go in.

When one chamber opens, you find there are other chambers still,

even deeper than the one you were in.

I have access to such a cavern deep within me.

One day in acute dark night of soul,

I found myself thrown into the innermost recesses of my being.

I knew even as I experienced it, that it was something special.

A unique experience not easily attained to.

I did not think I would be able to access it at will.

But I am able to.

It is like accessing a big spacious room deep inside of me.

The room is spacious, empty but filled with the presence of God.

Now, the very word silence, draws me deep within this inner desert in my soul.

When there is less of everything, there is more of God.

When the soul is emptied of everything, then God fills it.

That is why saints, sages, and mystics sought a life of asceticism.

Of having less so to have more of God, to have all of God.

Message from Jesus

 Jesus, a few nights ago, I dreamed you had a message for me.

I saw your lips moving as you delivered it.

Tried as I did, I was not able to hear you or make out what you were saying.

What is your message for me, Jesus?

I can feel your energy.

It is a strong energy at my third eye chakra

and pushing downwards.

My love I leave to you.

My love I give unto you.

You want to know how to love God.

Love me and you love God.

For I am in the Father and the Father is with me.

You want a guru, you ask for a guru.

I say unto you as I said unto Philip,

"I have been with you all this time, and do you not know me?

To know me is to know the Father.

With me, you will have all the best possible worlds.

The Father and me. 

We are both with you."

You have heard it said, my father and I are one.

So also are you one with the Father.

Do not be afraid to profess it.

It is not blasphemy.

It is the truth.

I in you, you in me and we in the Father.

We are One with the Onenss, with the Almighty Father and God.

Near accident

  My spirit team, could you help me with this?

I am trying to decipher what happened?

Ordinarily, if I found myself driving in the wrong direction,

I would freaked out, go ohmigod, ohmigod,

lost my head and get all nervous if not shaking from reaction,

from the close call.

Yesterday, it was as though I was in another reality.

I saw everything happening in slow motion.

As though time slowed.

I was like an automation.

My mind took in what was taking place.

And assessing it, coolly, calmly in a detached mode.

I had crossed into the wrong lane,

Coolly noting the fact the cars were coming at me.

And moved into the safe yellow lane.

At that moment, it felt as though I had a lot of time to move over.

Like I had ample time to get out of the way, minutes instead of seconds.

Where I was, I was very close to the traffic lights.

The traffic light changed, releasing a long stream of cars heading straight at me.

I moved away, still cool and calm, not in the slightest bit disturbed or nervous.

My spirit team, what exactly took place?

Your real self took over.

You call in your real self so often,

In a that moment of urgency,

your real self took over.

Accounting for the fact,

you felt disembodied.

Like you were there, yet not really there.

Operating yet not really operating.

In a zone out state.

If you notice, at that moment, there was nothing in your mind or your being.

You were in space, in that zone.

Where time slowed for you.

Accounting for the fact you were so peaceful, collected and calm.

Not in the least bit harried.

Anyone in that state would have gotten into a state.

You would be in your normal state of being.

But you were not in your normal state of being.

You were zone out.

Acting like an automation, receiving instructions from your higher self.

And performing its bidding.

We are Spirit beings

After years of meditation.

I live very close to God.

Upon learning about spirit guides.

And the beings around us of ascended masters and the like.

I live even more in the spirit.

As a result I am in daily frequent communication with them.

And am able to hear them with that sense of knowing.

It is so beneficial.

Yesterday, I went for an eye injection.

Treatment for my retinal vein occlusion or stroke of the eye.

The medical assistant offered to cover it, I accepted it.

Driving out, gauze over one eye.

I made to turn right, even as my mind saw a left turn.

Instead of turning into the two right lane, 

I crossed over and passed the middle yellow lane into the left lanes.

"Should I not be on the other lane to make a left turn?"

I wondered, mind foggy with the inability to see clearly with one eye.

In that same foggy manner, it came to me, the cars are coming at me.

If the cars are coming at me, I am going the wrong direction.

I quickly moved into the safe yellow lane.

Until then, the road was empty.

Oh, it came to me, still in befuddled mind, 

I should be on the two right lanes and made to turn into the correct lanes.

A car honked at me.

At that, I decided it was safest to just take the safe yellow lane to make the left turn.

I was not frightened, I was not even nervous.

I was operating almost with a disengaged mind.

With my higher mind doing all the thinking for me.

It accounted for the fact I stayed so cool and calm.

Almost like operating from another part of my mind.

Like I was there yet not really there.

Only later did the full implication hit me and I got really nervous.

Had I not moved into the safe yellow lane,

I would be hit headlong by a long stream of cars 

who were not expecting a car coming at them from the opposite direction.

I kept thanking my spirit team and my birth angels for keeping me safe.

Dream interpretation

 I dreamed I signed up for a two days' course.

Decided to cancel when a friend suggested I reconsider.

I did and decided to go for it.

When the time came I regretted it.

Two days, if I did not sign up,

I could be with my dogs.

My spirit team, how do I read the dream?

What does the dream tell you?

You decided on something then stalled and went for it again.

When you really did not want to.

After you did it, you kicked yourself for doing it.

What is that thing?

Under water diving.

You have the chance to go in deeper.

Instead of choosing to go in deeper,

You were still vacillating, wanting to stay wiht the old.

Not wanting to take the deep dive in.

Let go of your past youtube channel.

That is in the past.

You are called to dive deep into yourself.

Learning secrets of God and life from yourself.

You do not need to channel us.

We have told you that.

Your higher self is very much with you.

You are well able to channel on your own.

Because you made a pledge to us.

You feel bound by it.

You can let go.

We will always be with you.

However, this moment in time,

You need to let us go and find yourself first.

By deep diving.

Once you found yourself and have a firm footing on yourself.

then you will ne able to channel us and many others.

Presence of God

I love trees.

When I first came here to the States.

Wherever I go, I look for trees.

Then we live by the water.

First the Bay Area then the Gulf.

And that is a totally different experience.

Somehow, living by the ocean.

Looking out at the immensity of the ocean.

Where it stretches seemingly into infinity.

Where there is no end to the water.

It gives one that feeling of freedom like no other.

Those living by the ocean and Gulfs know that feeling.

My soul sings of the immensity of the Divine Being.

Whose presence fills everything on the Universe.

Do not look to worship me only in Churches and places of worship,

Because I am in everything around you.

Stop during the day and just take a moment to look around you.

Recognise me in everything around you and greet me.

By that means, you stay in my presence.

Silence deep

When I first entered into contemplative prayer.

Everything started opening out.

I would read all the books I could on mysticism.

But I was not able to formulate anything on my own.

I was able to draw from sources only.

It took a few years.

And I began to notice, I was able to voice my own thoughts and beliefs.

Now I reach a point where everything falls into silence.

I tried to channel and my mind does not want to engage in anything.

It just wants to stay in that inner silence.

My spirit team, could you tell me what is happening?

Is it not obvious?

You are entering into silence.

So enter into that silence.

And stay in that silence.

It is growth.

You are trying to hold onto what was in the past.

Trying to recapture that phase when you have entered into a deeper space.

Let go, surrender so your soul can take that flight up another level.

That silence deep, 

It is so beautiful.

Beautiful because you feel that energy taking you over.

And it is such a nice energy.

It draws you deeper and deeper inside.

Some meditations you enter into such a deep state.

It is as though you were sleeping,

Though you were not.

You have simply moved into the area of the spirit.

The zone of the spirit.

Where there is no language, no words.

Just spirit, just that consciousness.

So stay there, and revel in it.

Without words, without knowledge.

Without anything but that void.

That emptiness.

A deep emptiness,

empty because that is how your senses perceive it to be.

But for your spirit.

It is full.

A fullness of being,

Where you are in union with the infinite Creator.

One with the infinite creator.

In communion with the Infinite Creator.

The soul of a child : Kanowit

I love the very sound of that name, Kanowit.

In the early sixties, it was a little jungle village.

Whichever direction you look, you would see only tall trees and thick green undergrowth.

It was a veritable green paradise.

Situated where two rivers met, what one saw was this huge expanse of water.

There were no roads connecting the different towns and villages.

Our main means of transportation were the slow putt putting boats.

We had one main street with two rows of shops.

Slightly beyond the shops was our primary Catholic school.

Walking further up would be the Mill Hill priests' house. 

Then the Church, with the Mill Hill sisters' convent.

The same path led to the only hospital we had, run by the sisters.

For me, it was a magical time of my life.

Where we lived so close to nature and God.

Where the entire village was my playground.

We did not have cars.

We went everywhere on foot or bicycles.

I even recall when the streets were paved.

The shopkeepers claimed it would make it so much hotter.

It did not.

We lived in an apartment above a shop.

In the cool evenings, we children came out to play.

Adults sat on road curbs chatting.

While swallows flew in and out of their nests built on the ceiling of the shops.

Shopkeepers knew not to disturb their nests, 

for they bring in good fortune.

It is said of mountaineers that even when they left,

The mountains always remain with them.

For me it is Kanowit, the little village nestled in the jungle.

The soul of a child : The school across the river

How often did I not gaze across the river, with such yearnings.

What lies across the river?

The secondary school.

My brothers and sisters attended school there.

Every morning, my older sisters would pack their lunch,

white rice with something to go with it.

These go into an aluminum lunch container.

Then they waited at the wharf.

Where a long boat would take them across the river to the school.

How I longed to go there. 

From this side of the river, looking across.

I could see the figures of students there,

moving around like ants.

The buildings were more visible.

I had been there.

My sisters brought us there when they received their prizes for scoring top positions in class.

The principal, an English priest, Father Hiery, would hand out the prizes and intoned,

"Hip Hip...." and those assembled called out, "Hurray."

Alas, I never did go there.

My family moved to another town, the year before I was due to go there.

So close to it and it was removed from me.

I often wondered, would I be different today had my family not moved

and I had gone to that school?

Pope Leo XIV, pure soul

My soul, spirit told me what Pope Leo XIV is when I looked at him,

and my spirit united with him.

First they told me he is a mystic, a spiritual being, a man of God.

Pure in spirit, ruled by the Law in his heart, his love of God and humanity.

Try swerving him from his path, you would not succeed.

He would not bulge. 

He is set in his path, in his soul, in his commitment to God and humanity.

He exemplified Jesus' message of love God and your neighbor as yourself.

Just now they drove it home, showing me he is like those saints and sages of old.

Look at Ramana Maharshi and Paramahansa Yogananda.

From a young age, they sought after God.

They were on this earth yet not of this earth.

They were pure souls, intent only on God.

As I watched videos relating how Pope Leo XIV was,

As a child and young man, I see the same pattern.

A man who would live like those he served in a remote area of Peru.

Embracing that life totally, turning his back on Harvard and worldly success.

He has to be driven by something within him that is divine.

And you see that in his eyes.

In every photo, his eyes speaks volume,

of a soul who is here yet not wholly here.

In his mind and soul is the Divine.

The world is safe in his hands.

He will do only what he knows to be right by it.

Whatever his actions or choices.

He is and will be ruled by that Divine Force within him.

The Divine Force he gave his life to and served his entire life.

The God Almighty he loves and lives for.

Ego and Corrupted

I watched a video of Doctor Robert Gilbert,

where he talked about spiritual teachers becoming corrupted.

Look at them fifteen years later, he said, and they changed.

Their teachings became corrupted, toxic.

When they become corrupted, the higher beings they worked with move away.

And different beings take over.

I am quoting not his exact words but the message I receive watching that video.

It was an interview of him by Podcaster, Andre Duqum.

His words left a deep impression on me.

And a warning to me, to stay in truth and humility.

Pride, ego are very subtle.

I had been in the midst of that, ego, pride.

And did not even recognize it.

It was only when I was out of it,

I realized, seated in the pride of my self perceived humility.

I was in the throes of my ego pride.

How do I deal with it?

By trusting in the words, "A humble and contrite heart Thou wilt not spurn, O Lord."

Knowing as long as I am sincere, in all good faith,

God, the Universe would take care of me.

They do.

I would receive what I call kicks in life.

An unexpected bout of illness.

An attack from unexpected sources.

Resulting in a dark night of the soul.

And it brings me back to my senses.

Reminding me to stay grounded, centered and humble.

Saying no.

 I love a key point Doctor Gabor Mate makes,

that if we do not say no, our bodies would say it for us with illnesses.

That one sentence says so much.

I learned how to say no years ago.

At an annual doctor's visit, my primary care doctor told me,

"You do not have to do anything you do not want to."

Those words were so powerful, the following day, 

when a boater invited me to join her for a movie.

I asked her, what type?

Horror, she replied.

"No thanks," I told her, "I do not watch horror movies."

She was so shocked, I can still remember the expression on her face.

Until then, I never said no to anything she suggested.

And that was a start.

Through the years, I learned how to say no.

Hence when I came across Doctor Gabor Mate's words,

It struck a core in me.

Inner voice

I seldom see visions, only occasionally with my mind's eyes.

I used to hear clear inner voices.

Now it is mostly an inner knowing.

A knowing without knowing how I know it.

I just know it, it is just there.

Yesterday, I was working in my backyard when I felt more than heard, look.

I looked down and on my arm was a puncture wound, bleeding.

I did not feel it or know when it happened.

I thought, if my spirit team alert me to it, it must need attention,

I immediately took care of it,

washing it with soap and water and applying antibiotic cream.

By late afternoon, it swelled to an ugly red.

And that is how I hear my spirit team.

It is amazing.

If I can hear it, you can hear it. 

Anyone can hear it.

It just takes believing, and paying attention to thoughts in the mind.

Thoughts, if we are not attuned to it, we would dismiss them as just thoughts.

When it could be an inner voice from our higher self or spirit team. 

Channeling: automatic writing

How I engaged in automatic writing.

I started writing then invited my spirit team in.

It is akin to swinging the pendulum to get it started.

I used to find it very hard to work the pendulum.

I would ask a question then watch and wait for the pendulum to move.

Often, it simply would not move.

When it does, it is often not accurate because my mind influences it.

One day I saw how a medium did it, he asked a question,

and give the pendulum a swing then watch which direction it moved.

Starting the verses is akin to giving the pendulum a swing.

It makes it easier for the spirit to come in.

They are on a higher vibration and it is not easy for them to come in,

Or to move the pendulum.

It does take a lot of energy.

When they come in, I can hear the words like in dictation.

When I read them over,

I often marvel at how cleanly and effectively they do it.

I especially love it when the words start flowing in, 

going into lovely prose which rhymes.

Cultish

 I often ask my spirit team to push videos to me.

There was a period of time I kept seeing videos on cults.

I wondered why.

I am not the type of person who seek out groups to join.

Intrigued, I watched the videos.

When we think of cults, it does not have to be those with communes and the like.

In a mild imperceptible form, we could be part of a cult.

My spirit team, help me with this.

With cults, you have to ask yourself specific questions.

The most glaring question to ask yourself is,

are you allowed to voice your views, views contradictory to the person you are following.

If it is a no, that is one of the biggest red flags.

As many teachers, gurus as there are today, many of them self professed,

with little to no training at all, this is an area to be wary of.

Especially since these teachers often take a few basic truths,

For instance, basic truths from ancient teachings or religion,

and built their own on it.

Believing in those basic truths, you find yourself believing everything they feed you.

It is akin to believing in the molehill, you swallow the mountain.

Another question to ask yourself is, does the person have specific teachings,

allowing no other, letting in no other.

It is only his or her belief system, anything else not admissible.

Does he or she ever admit to being wrong or mistaken?

Does he or she take well to criticism or gets on the offensive or defensive.

Humility, openness of mind, of spirit is key to genuineness.

With this, you have enough to gauge whether the person or groups you are following are cultish.

That is the term, cultish, not like cults per se but kind of like cults, cultish.

Being a youtuber

Though I have a channel, at present I do not consider myself a youtuber.

It is because I am not actively engaged in it, as in Lives or active collaborations.

I started doing it, May of twenty twenty-two.

I had no prior experience.

When it was suggested I started one, I went into it full swing.

I made videos, I did live collaborations, I did solo Lives.

Apart from that, to get subscribers, I watched Lives of others.

I literally spent 24/7 on YouTube.

I did not even reflect on the implications.

I just did it.

Allowing myself to be totally consumed.

It was when I removed myself, I started seeing its effect.

One big one was the unending need for excitement.

The unending expectations of subscribers, more subscribers.

To gain that excitement, one has to be fully engaged.

Hence, being present at Livestreams of others.

Conducting livestreams with others.

Working on videos, aiming for one that hit.

Checking my channel non stop during the day.

First thing on waking up, last thing on going to bed.

The elation, the discouragement.

How many times did I not think, this is it.

This one Livestream, this one video will move me forward.

It never did, at least not for me.

And the channel would get stagnated.

And one has to find ways to get it moving.

When I removed myself, I trained myself to be in some form of obscurity.

Train myself to be happy with less, not to seek something daily, some form of excitement however small.

It was hard at first but I have my meditation,

My path to God, making that possible.

When circumstances removed me from all active participation,

all I experienced was immense relief.

Looking back, I found myself wondering.

How did I do that?

How did I, week after week, engaged in a solo live?

This apart from other collaborations.

It was because I felt called to do it.

It was my "service to others."

When that was removed, all I experienced was relief.

And now, if spirit does not ask me ever again to actively engage with my youtube channel.

I will be happy as I am now.

This format is easy, writing, engaging in automatic writing,

and using speech to text to put it into videos.

Meanwhile, I can concentrate on my path to God.

I want to arrive at where, my prayers are effective.

When like saints and sages, my presence alone can be of help to others.

Though I had achieved that with the actively dying.

I did not need to do anything, or say anything.

Just my presence alone brought them peace.

It is because when a soul is so close to crossing over,

They traverse time and space.

They are not bound to their bodies.

Though in coma, they knew I was there.

Pope Leo XIV, man of God

One day, Pope Leo XIV will be canonized a saint.

First, I sensed there is something special about him.

Something about the way he looks, the look in his eye, his entire demeanor, 

speaks of him as a man of God, deeply connected with God.

Then I began to sense an affinity with him I experienced with no other Pope

except for Pope Paul VI, which was a more distant experience.

But this one, this one is fresh, new and raw.

Taking place in present times.

I was right there on youtube when the white smoke came in.

Waited and watched when he came out to greet the crowds, the world.

I asked myself what the difference is, between these two popes and the others.

The answer came, both are mystics.

I do not know about the other Popes but my inner sense told me these two are both mystics.

I did a search and found I got it right about Pope Paul VI.

Then, I was thinking about Pope Leo XIV when my spirit team brought to my mind 

what a true spiritual person is.

With that, I will read on how he will rule as a Pope.

He will live and move by the spirit.

When a person reaches a certain level of spirituality where he lives and moves by the spirit.

He just is. 

He will move and operate according to the precepts of God.

In that, he will be immovable.

When a person reach that state of spirituality,

the spirit of God has taken over.

They live and move with the spirit of God.

He will be novel, he will be different.

He will be as he is, he will be like no other.

And for that, he will be very much loved, as also persecuted.

He will have his detractors, his enemies.

Through it all, he will move as he is moving,

a man of God, possessed of the spirit of God.

True to the spirit of the Divine.

There, I said it, he will be canonized a saint.

This is, however, an easy one to prophesize.

Healed by God

It was a Sunday.

My late husband was dying of Lou Gehrig's disease, or A L S.

I felt very restless inside and needed to talk to someone.

I phoned the hospice and they had no one available.

I turn to my most powerful tool for healing and peace, meditation.

I went to the bathroom and sinking onto the floor,

I started engaging in meditation.

After a while, I felt better and was getting up when I heard an inner voice say,

"Not yet."

I remained seated.

And then I felt it, this gentle energy, going through me.

Ir was like a white gentle cloud or wave, moving through me,

all over me, bathing me, caressing me.

I could feel it moving all over my being, like working on me.

Then I heard the voice say, "It is done now. You can get up."

I got up and felt immensely better.

It was the one clear experience I had of being healed by the energy of God.

Today, I closed my eyes and I can still feel it.

Meditation is still my main tool for everything.

Especially for connecting with God.

God- the God in me

 After I left the monastery, my fear of rejection was such,

before anyone has the chance to reject me, I would move away from them.

It is inconceivable today but at the time, I really believed there was a monster in me.

That when people get close to me, they would see that monster and reject me.

It was all the harder because I did not know what that monster was.

All I knew was that when people got to know me better, this monster would emerge and they rejected me.

It was actually not people but the nuns.

As much as I reminded myself it was the nuns only, I could not shake that belief.

I thought of myself as an apple also, beautiful outside.

But when you cut it inside, it is rotten inside.

One day, caught up in this maelstrom of self perception.

I went to the privacy of the bathroom to work this out.

Sitting on the floor, in such moments of stress.

I could not sit in the chair.

Sitting on the floor gives me some modicum of comfort.

Seated there, gripped by fears of rejection.

I turned my gaze inwards and saw God.

God will never reject me.

God will always be with me.

God will always love me, as I am, regardless of who and what I am.

That was the moment when God became grounded in me.

Everything and everyone could reject me, God would always love me.

He became my inner strength, accounting for what I am today,

strong, resilient, able to weather any storm.

Path of no paths - Pope Leo XIV

As a nun, I walked the path laid out to be by the Order of Nuns.

Then I walked my own path to God.

I walked that path which led me right out of the monastery.

I continued walking it, it was the same path.

The last five years, seeking psychics, I found myself amidst a new age group.

I tried to get into it.

Somehow, it never did draw me the way mysticism does.

This in turn, leads me into physics, metaphysics.

I wanted a channel where I could go into mysticism and this channel happened.

When I left the monastery, I continued walking the same path to God.

I had expected the same when I left the youtube path I was in.

I had expected to carry that path into this new channel I created in place of the one I had.

Much to my surprise, everything seems to vanish into thin air.

I had expected myself to walk the same path but that path disappeared.

It left me in a state of the pathless path.

My spirit team, could you help me with this?

You are wrong when you say there is no path.

There is a path going ahead.

It is one illuminated with the election of Pope Leo XIV.

You sense there is something there, 

something that makes you watch videos of him.

You know there is something there when you feel profoundly moved and teared.

What does he resemble for you?

The person Jesus.

You look at him, you see Jesus.

One day, whilst still in the midst of the youtube New Age circle,

Videos started popping up, with headers saying from New Age to Jesus.

Suddenly, everyone appeared to be doing that.

You said, it is a fad, I am not going to be a part of that.

Just now, that sentence popped up again.

And you wonder what it is about.

And then Jesus sent you someone.

Someone you least expected to shed light on this for you.

Someone you knew most of your life.

He lights the way for you.

He told you he has read, searched, researched different spiritual teachings.

And Jesus is the best.

He is the best teacher, his teachings are full of wisdom.

You have to read beyond the words there, he told you.

You cannot read it literally.

There are deeper meanings to his words.

"Look to the essence of his teachings, to his wisdom. 

Seek to be enlightened, he told me.

Being enlightened means you seek and see the essence, the wisdom.

You do not have to believe in all the trappings of religion.

Many of these are man made.

Jesus never said he is God.

If those trappings help you then by all means, go with them.

Just know they are that, man made, after Jesus was gone.

It was like Jesus is telling me.

Walk with me. 

Walk with my path.

I am in the midst of you.

I do have a specific path, the path of love.

Love of God and love of your neighbor.

Therein lies the entire law.

You need only to adhere to those.

Everything is contained within that law.

Love of God and Love of neighbor.

Walk with me. 

I am in your life, I have always been with you.

Seek no further.

You have me in you.

I in you, you in me and we in the father.

It is that Oneness.

A song to Pope Leo XIV

 The world in darkness lays.

You ask why this thrill, this excitement, this joy over Pope Leo XIV.

We told you, the world in darkness lays.

It feels that way to so many of you,

engulf in fear, and darkness.

The fears and darkness that is so crippling. 

Your heart gripped by talons of fears.

A grip as strong and hard as those of a falcon.

In your heart, on the horizon, you see no light.

You see only darkness.

And like Jesus, the light, Pope Leo XIV came on the horizon.

Shining his light, his light of a slow quiet smile.

Of a gentle peaceful demeanor.

And beneath all that, the spirit of a fighter, a warrior.

He will not fear to take on anything that is not just and right.

It is part of him, part of his sool.

In him you see a warrior emerging,

albeit a spiritual warrior.

In times the world might have dismissed a spiritual warrior.

What can he do, when we in darkness lays.

When the darkness gets darker and darker, gripping us in fear.

What can he do, he is naught but a spiritual leader.

He can do a lot.

One man, one person can do a lot.

One man, one person can change the world with one word, with one sentence.

Peace I give unto you, peace I leave you, said Jesus.

Those words resounds through the ages, through the century.

and with each recitation of it, peace resumes in your soul.

This is predilection, the way the world embrace him in love and joy.

He has his detractors, and that, my dear ones shows him out to be the chosen one.

The chosen one is never free of detractors.

He will have no fear, for he has soared above all material gains.

A spiritual warrior is he.

He will wage a strong war though in the silent quietness of his dedication to the almighty.

To God, to Jesus he gives his life to and to us all.

download

I would hear about psychics talking about downloads.

What is downloads?

It was not a question one could really ask.

Asked and no one was really able to tell me.

But now, I have  an idea what downloads are.

It is those moments where I felt inspired.

I knew verses were streaming through.

and quickly get to a computer and let the verses out.

I did had one clear experience of a download.

I was going to Mass when I saw it.

This thing like a spiritual package.

I knew not to open it.

that if I open it there and then, it will all streamed out.

And I would not be able to remember it all.

I kept the thought at bay, right at the edge of my consciousness.

As soon as I was able to, I get before my computer and it streamed out.

Later, I realized this is what they meant by unpacking a download.

Hence a download is like a load. A spiritual load.

When we receive it, we are aware it contained spiritual messages.

We might have an idea what it was about like that incident I had.

Or we might not even be aware what the contents are.

Till they pour out of our consciousness in words.

For spirit communicates without words.

Hence it could be like a parcel given to us.

We knew what it is only when we opened the package

and pulled out its contents.

Bold and daring

 The spirit of God is bold and daring.

Look at the apostles.

They huddled in a room, lost, alone, terrified.

Their master had just been crucified and buried.

Then the Holy Spirit came upon them.

They opened the door and went out preaching.

Fearlessly, fearing neither persecution nor death.

Or death of martyrdom.

And that is the spirit of God.

It lies in us, this same spirit.

It often lies dormant in us.

And we go through life buffeted by our ego self.

Suffering from constraints placed on us by upbringing, culture, society.

These keep us in invisible bonds, invisible fetters.

These prevent us from seeing who we truly are.

Sons and daughters of God.

With the God in us.

Awaken, oh God in us.

That we may see your face.

Seeing, we will always strive to live with you, in you.

A grain of sand on the immense seashore.

A drop of water in the immensity of the ocean.

A particle of you but nonetheless, as great as you.

For is the drop of water any different from the ocean of water?

It is one and the same.

Once you awaken in us.

It cuts through all that is put on us in life.

We break through, we shine through with your light, your splendor. your magnificence.

And like the new Pope Leo XIV, we will be that light.

Does he not shine on us?

Bringing us such joy and hope.

As we find ourselves celebrating him.

A gift to us during these hard times of fear and uncertainty.

As we look on the tranquility of his face,

Do we not experience that same peace?

As we look at the silence on his face,

Do we not also fall into silence?

Recognizing there is more to life than the material world.

That the real are what lies beneath the surface.

As he renounces a life of material success.

Do we not draw lessons from the same?

Recognizing there is more to life than success, money and fame.

As we look into his eyes, and see the depths there.

Do we not see the universe mirrored in his eyes?

A universe so vast and explored by the mystics, physicists, metaphysicians. 

By religion, spirituality and science.

There is no separation.

The spiritual and the secular science.

Both seek the truth of the Universe.

Both coming together to reveal the truth of the Universe,

Of the one indivisible God, felt and experienced by all.

Death of a Nun

 As I wrote, though the community crowned Sister Assunta as a saint.

I was not as inclined.

She was very strong in her opinion.

She was Eurasian, fair skin, with big enormous eyes.

She had breast cancer twelve years ago.

And it had recurred.

Her recurring cancer cast a pall of sadness over the monastery.

Recreations became gloomy and serious.

For me, who had just entered and lived for recreations,

It was not easy.

I complained to Mother Therese,

Citing the case of the son of my mother’s friend.

He was dying of eye cancer.

And made sure his household stayed happy by keeping up a bright spirit.

And here I was in a monastery. 

With a holy nun who was afraid of death.

And we could not be happy because she was sad and dying.

Sister Assunta was very afraid of death.

Every time, she thought she was going to die,

She would gripped Mother Therese’s arm and would not let go of her grip.

Yet when she died, it was indeed a holy death.

Mother Therese and I were with her when she died.

She was very sick, laying on the bed, eyes closed.

When suddenly she sat up.

Her eyes were fixed on the upper right corner.

As she looked fixedly at it,

Her eyes became bigger and bigger with awe.

Her face shone until there was not a wrinkle on her sixty year face.

Her eyes registered the awe, as her face became more and more radiant.

Then she made a grimace with her face, bent her head and was gone.

Whatever she saw at the upper right corner had to be something wonderful.

I could only imagine she saw Jesus, or Mary and heaven.

Whatever it was, it was a sight to behold.

Benefit of inner seeing

 One day, my neighbor invited me to go with her to town.

One day, my neighbor invited me to go with her to town.

In that instant, I saw the entire thing at one go.

It was akin to looking at a painting.

And in one look, takes in everything.

The stream, the trees, the people, the house, the grass, the flowers.

But all in one look.

In that one look, I saw she was asking me not because she wants my company.

She had four small children and could use my help with them.

I also saw she would take the entire day to do her shopping.

And that it would be a long day for me.

I declined her offer.

I remember that incident long after.

It was the first time I was able to see a situation.

On the spot, in all aspects and from all angles.

That I found to be very striking.

It became a valuable tool for gauging people, situations and things.

Affinity with Pope Leo XIV

 I felt an affinity with Pope Paul VI. 

After him, I had not experienced such affinity with any of the other Popes.

And wondered at it.

I love the book, The Acting Person by Pope John Paul II.

But never really relate to most of his writings.

And he was a prolific writer.

The Osservatore Romano was filled with articles  written by him.

I did not know much about Pope Benedict.

I liked Pope Francis very much.

He was like a breath of fresh air, and holy.

Genuine and Christlike.

Again, I did not experience that personal affinity.

With Pope Leo XIV, I saw his face and experienced an instant affinity with him.

I was moved to tears on finding out he was the new Pope.

I started asking myself  why Pope Paul the VI and why Pope Leo XIV?

I knew there is something there.

Is it because I sense they are spiritual persons?

But the other Popes were also deeply spiritual.

It finally came to me, they are mystics.

I googled Pope Paul VI, he was a mystic.

I have no doubt Pope Leo XIV is a mystic too.

It is written on his face.

That look of inner withdrawal.

The look of someone who is occupied with something,

More than what is around him.

The look of someone who pieces the mysteries of the Universe.

And the Universe within him, God, Infinity Creator, Infinity.

Pope Leo XIV

I felt an affinity with Pope Paul VI. 

After him, I had not experience affinity with any of the other Popes.

I love the book, The Acting Person by Pope John Paul II.

He was all for freedom when he was a Cardinal at Poland.

But as a Pope, he was rather a conservative.

I did know much about Pope Benedict.

I liked Pope Francis very much.

He was like a breath of fresh air, and holy.

Genuine and Christlike.

Again, I did not experience that personal affinity.

With Pope Leo XIV, I saw his face and experienced an affinity with him.

I was actually moved to tears on finding out he was the new Pope.

A voice even told me, if I write to him, he will reply.

I dismissed that notion.

Who am I?

However, I found myself asking why Pope Paul the VI

and why this present Pope?

Is it because I sense they are spiritual persons?

But the other Popes were deeply spiritual.

It finally came to me, they are mystics.

I googled Pope Paul VI, he was a mystic.

I have no doubt Pope Leo XIV is a mystic too.

It is written on his face.

That look of inner withdrawal.

The look of someone who is occupied with someone,

More than what is around him.

The look of someone who pieces the mysteries of the Universe.

And the Universe within him, God, Infinity Creator, Infinity.

Deep inner engagement by God.

 It is an interesting state of being.

I am falling into a state of inner silence.

Where I find myself wanting to stay in that inner silence.

Thinking yet not thinking.

Just in a state of being.

Like being absent from oneself.

All the while something is occupying me.

Occupying my mind.

Keeping me engaged.

And I fall into a deep state of reflection.

Thinking yet not thinking.

I found myself asking.

Is God talking to me right now, without words.

Without the means of words.

Engaging me spirit to spirit.

I just want to rest in God, sleep in God.

My sense of self

It is interesting, I minimize myself.

I discounted myself my entire life.

Yet looking back, I do see that especial spirit my former spiritual director told me I possessed.

At every school function, all I had to do was say one line.

And the attention is all mine.

At the monastery, I easily gained the attention of anyone visiting.

After I left the monastery, I found I could get a roomful of people rocking just with my energy.

When I am on, I could feel my spirit carrying everyone along with me,

riding on that high.

I had entered a room, and found the entire room going silent,

with all eyes turned on me.

Yet I always held myself to be a person of little consequence.

I did mention it to my former spiritual director, 

I told him, it is God, the face of God shining through me.

He brushed it off and told me it was my looks.

Yet I am not possessed of any beauty,

Just a face pleasant to look at.

Once in this country, I found I possessed a valuable gift.

Writing letters.

The first time a company failed me, I wrote to the Chief Executive Officer of the company,

He appointed someone to take care of me.

And the person bent over backwards to accommodate me.

It was such a wonderful discovery, I had done it at least six times,

with the same results.

It makes me wonder why people do not just write to the chief executive officer when they hit some snag with companies.

I suggested it to my friends, but it did not seem to work for them.

My sister suggested, my spirit team must be helping me.

I have to admit, there is something to that.

For instance, I did meet with resistance with a bank when I asked for a fee to be waived. It was their error, not mine.

I was getting nowhere with the top personnel and was giving it up.

When my inner spirit prodded me on.

That usually means there is something to it. 

I wrote two more letters.

And those letters did it.

They made it right for me. 

Anyone watching this, should it happen to you.

It does not hurt to try it and write to the highest ranking person of the companies.

I won instant redress every time.

One took place a few months ago with an Internet company.

The person assigned did everything to make it right for me.

The New Pope

Walking my path of Oneness.

I claim Catholicism to be my base religion.

As Thich Nhat Hanh said, stay with your roots.

He stressed, it is very important to stay with your roots.

That is what I found myself doing.

I stay with my roots, which is the faith I was born into.

However, I do not stay very involved with the physical Church.

Not at all.

That said, a Pope still means very much to me.

I related to the compassion and mercy of Pope Francis.

And wanted another Pope like him.

I was on youtube when I saw the smoke is white, we have a Pope.

It was a name I did not know or recognized.

Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost.

He takes the name Pope Leo XIV.

I found myself crying.

So deeply moved, I was crying.

And found that baffling.

Then I discovered why.

His spirit resonates with me.

Somehow, I feel a connection with him.

For one crazy moment.

I knew if I wrote to him. 

He will reply.

And then I dismissed the thought.

Who am I but a very ordinary person.

I like the look of him.

I do not want any of those intransigent figures.

Where the name, reputation of the Church means more than the person.

Where rules and laws mean more than the person.

I had gone through all that.

Suffered through all that as a nun.

I do not need it again.

I do not want it again.

It is certainly not the teachings of Jesus.

My life's lessons

 For several days I asked myself, “I had a youtube channel,

I was making videos. I was engaged in livestreams.

And then I simply left. I not only left,

I burned all the boats, bridges, everything and started anew here.”

I have no intention of returning, ever.

I had actually overstayed my welcome.

I left months ago, but hovered over the edge of that youtube civilization.

And then I really left.

I asked myself, I spent all of five years there, beginning to end.

Why? What were those years about?

And the answer came, “Just as you were eleven years at the monastery,

You had been at that youtube circle for five years.

You left, just as you left the monastery.

Did you go back to the monastery again? No, you left.

With a story to tell, to share and lessons learned.

So also this, you have a story to tell, to share and lessons learned.

Did you not accomplish all this in two months?

This channel with 170 shorts in two months.

You have accomplished that much, you are a pro at it.

With that insight came peace and what peace.

With that peace, I go deep within myself.

Seeking God, seeking the Almighty.

One with God, one with the Almighty.

He is with me, he resides in me,

I only have to turn my gaze inward and I see him.

He is a living Force within me.

Ramana Maharshi would say, 

“You are he and he is you and be done with it.” The God in me.

He is too nice

 

He cannot be the head of the State, he is too nice.

He is too full of emotion and too full of heart,

Was a comment in a video I watched.

The person went on, to head the State, he needs to have criteria.

Something to that effect, not his exact words.

It made me think.

However, I do better when I call my spirit team in to help me with my writing.

My spirit team, helped me to write this.

The person aforesaid is very nice.

He is all smiles.

When he speaks, he speaks from his heart.

Every word is enunciated.

He is humble, he is genuine. 

He says it like it is, he does not spare himself.

A skeptic looking at him, would ask, is he for real?

He is uncomfortable to watch for those who are not as open and transparent as he is.

Yes, he is all that.

But there is something that person missed about someone who is very nice.

It does not mean they are gullible or have no standings.

Push against him, his inner convictions, his God sense and he might be more obdurate than expected.

For in the heart of a truly spiritual person is that inner sense of conscience, of  integrity.

A man of God is set in his principles.

He will not go against God, he will not go against the goodness of God.

Ask him to go against the law of God which is in his heart and he will not.

Rules, laws, intransigence of laws.

How often have they not gone against humanity in their very ruling?

How often in history have they not ruled wrongfully against those who were just?

How often were they not blinded by laws, ruled as a result of their intransigence and do harm to the masses?

There is only one rule of God, Love.

Death as going home

 How do I view death?

It is going home to where I came from.

When I was eleven, one night I was afraid I would not live to see the morning.

When morning came, I was greatly relieved.

Looking back, I wondered at my conviction that night, 

that I might not live to see morning.

My older sister taught us a song, "This world is not my home."

I loved that song, it stayed with me for years after.

After I experienced heaven or higher realms in my meditation,

I often found myself homesick for “the land I do not know where.”

It was a longing, a yearning, a haunting in my soul.

A few years ago, the feeling was so acute, I cried as I drove.

 I knew it was not for my family's home,

But that home I do not know where.

Entering into the new age world, 

I realized I was longing for the planets or universe I came from.

As I near age seventy, I feel it ever more.

That death will be going home to where I came from.